When In Doubt...Wear A Toga

West Virginia, mountain mama

2006-03-08T17:26:00.001-04:00

Take me home, Country roads.

Got back from visiting West Virginia Sunday before last. It was a long yet quick trip. It took longer than I anticipated to drive. I think the next time I'll have to take a half day on Friday and drive that night.

But the great news? I got to see my brother!!! And see where he lives and do all kinds of fun stuff like visit Oglebay Mansion: http://users.stratuswave.net/~wd8jik/oglebaychristmas/mansion.htm
and go to a drive-thru liquor store and go 4-wheeling!

Last weekend Phil and I went with his family to a restaurant with belly dancers! It was so much fun. Especially when the girl made Phil and his Uncle go out and dance with her... Tee hee. :)

Introducing...

2006-02-22T11:01:00.003-04:00

CALLIE & SIENNA!

Don't ask me which one is which, because their ID bracelets aren't in the picture...

Phil and I went over to visit Chris and Kera this past Sunday and pay a tiny bit of attention to the girls... (too much and they'll be spoiled... haha mom and dad's problem!) I fed a baby for the first time in my life... and held a newborn for the second time. Once again I was amazed by how tiny we all start out.

I think it's time my brother had kids. *As I duck in case he still reads my blog* Ok, so maybe he's not quite ready to have kids... but I'm more than ready for him to have them. Tee hee.

The more I see of new life the more I am reminded of my story from the beginning, and just how many holes there are in it. How many details missing, how many stories not told. I've always wondered. When other kids discussed their birth stories with their parents (the pregnancy, the birth, the hospital stay, what their fathers did, who came to the hospital to see them, what my first reactions to things were etc.) I never had that. It was always openly discussed, but the beginning was just kind of there but not. Like a black hole almost.

Truth be told I may never know. Am I ok with that? I'd like to think so. Who I am now doesn't depend on that but I'll always wonder.

And the most common comment from coworkers when shown pictures of the babies? "Aww... I want one!"

Twins!

2006-02-10T10:18:00.000-04:00

Monday we were blessed with Kera and Chris's bundles of joy. (Yes, bundles... as in plural!) What a precious gift life is... I just can't get over birth in all it's complexities. Watching this miracle take form has been incredible, but holding the same miracle even more amazing! I just can't get over how tiny everything is from the beginning. Tiny little hands, little feet... features and expressions... and oh the little squeaks! So adorable!

Phil and I were able to go to the hospital and hold Callie just hours after she was born. Phil was a natural while I was a little unsure of what I was doing. Even so, I'm glad I was strongly encouraged to hold her because it was a treat! We did get to see Sienna, but couldn't hold her, but I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that in the time to come!

More pictures to follow!!!

It Goes On

2006-02-06T15:56:00.000-04:00

Rolling Stones… Stoneybrook Farm… Cold Stone Creamery… Rosetta Stone… Sharon Stone… Kidney Stone!!! That’s what I’m searching for! Wow. Bad week. Well, I won't say bad week necessarily, but an interesting one nontheless! After a series of doctors appointments I found out I have a kidney stone, which everyone assures me is very painful. Enter hydrocodone... my new best friend.

I also thought I was going to get my car back Friday, however my insurance shorted the payment and the autobody place can't release my baby until they submit the full amount. And since it took me a month to get the first check I'm not holding my breath on any speedy treatment. I only pay thousands of dollars to these people... why would I think they would actually try to help?

Along with that another door closed on the adoption search, but I'm not giving up hope yet! If I may quote my quote of the day, Mr Robert Frost: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."!

6 Months And Counting...

2006-01-31T16:30:00.000-04:00

Well Phil and I have been dating for 6 months now! Time certainly flies by sometimes. Part of that could certainly be from working day after day. Eventually you get in a groove and just plug away, and then one day you realize how much time has flown by.

He treats me so well I wonder sometimes why he stays with me and my constant mood swings. From making my lunch to bringing me dinner when I work late, driving me around all over town while my poor car is under the knife... (stupid, stupid deer) sitting with me while I unwind from a long day by doing a jigsaw puzzle (he pretends to help and enjoy it but I know better) watching American Idol with me, TIVOing countless "Whos Line Is It Anyway?" I could go on and on...

We made breakfast for dinner on Saturday. Scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon and homemade biscuits (Grandmom's recipe)... Mmm mmm good! There was one incident that turned out pretty funny... Phil was in charge of the bacon and sausage. My brother always did this so I just assumed that all guys liked... (and knew how) to cook bacon... Well after the grease fire (yes, grease fire) he neglected to find out what to do with the grease when he was done with it. One plastic strainer later he finally did ask. Of course this was after the bottom of the strainer melted down the drain, but still...

In six months we've both done some growing. Some together and some separately. And while I'm still not nearly over my whole commitment phobia, I'm learning to let go and trust a little bit more.

P.S. In case you were wondering dinner still turned out fabulous. :)

You're the best Phil!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

2006-01-19T10:37:00.000-04:00

Wow! Another year old. Strange... it doesn't feel like it. I was thinking about my mother today and how she would always make us whatever cake we wanted for our birthday. I tried to dig out some old pictures to show you, but I couldn't lay my hands on any. Over the years she did a G.I. Joe theme for my brother, Winnie-the-Pooh, a "My Little Pony" carousel, dirt (complete with gummy worms), a tiger, and even a giant blue Lego cake! We would get to choose dinner (and we'd get to use the good china), and she just always did everything she could to make that day special.

This is the fourth year I've turned a year older without my mother in my life. It's very odd because it actually gets more painful every year. I had always heard that time eases pain, but in fact, it seems to do the very opposite.

I also was thinking about my birth mother, and wondering where she is, and wondering if she thinks about me on my birthday. I've never had children, but it seems that something as painful... er... wonderful... as birth would stick in your mind. By now my social worker assigned to my case has sent The Letter to my mother, and she has either read it or not. Either way, it's in limbo... and I sit and wait. I am told that statistically there is an immediate response or none at all. Not that anything in my life has been statistically correct, but perhaps this is the first time?

Everyone here at work has in their own way already made my birthday special. From the cards, to the emails, to the general well-wishing I feel honored to work with such caring people. I walked into a surprise birthday cake at a "meeting" and when asked if I have plans, I simply reply "I am working" and "maybe dinner tonight with Phil". (Although he hasn't informed me of the plans for tonight...)

My friends and family are so awesome with the text messages, emails, cards and phone calls. I wonder how I could EVER feel alone. I suppose we all have melancholy days, and feel loneliness as is the nature of humans... but if we open our eyes and look around us we can realize that we are never completely alone.

Thank you all for making my birthday special!

Legacy of an Adopted Child

2006-01-11T11:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Meliss brought my mail to me while Phil and I were puzzling and I knew instantly that it was from social services about my mother. Unfortunately it was once again a closed door, however we've only covered the first stages so it's not necessarily something to be upset about.

As always, with every contact from them it reopens new thoughts, fears, and decisions. It's an emotional journey that I'm still unsure of.

I leave you with the poem they included that I read while blinking back tears. But it pretty much describes exerything I'm feeling.

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other

One you do not remember
The other you call mother

Two different lives shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun

The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live it

The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name

One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears

One gave you up...
It was all that she could do

The other wished for a child
And fate led her straight to you

And now you ask me through your tears
The age-old question through the years
Heredity or environment -
Which are you the product of?

Neither my darling - neither
Just two different kinds of love.

Mr. Sun

2006-01-09T16:49:00.000-04:00

So I’m sitting in church Sunday and I’m looking out the window at the bright sunshine noticing for the first time how gorgeous it is. (I blame it on my ADD) Although I seem to be able to concentrate fully when I’m doing jigsaw puzzles or reading, which leads me to believe that ADD is another of those illnesses that is in your mind, that is pulled out when you need it. Anyway, I just couldn’t get over how bright and beautiful it was and then I realized that I never see the sun. I see it just as it’s coming up, then I’m in the office and I leave when it’s mostly down or well on its way.

Sigh… welcome to tax season. I really can’t complain since it puts me closer to my goal of a down payment for a house, however, it also leaves very little time for keeping in touch with family and friends. A small sacrifice I tell myself for accomplishing my dream. Just when I think it’s within my reach something happens to take it that much further from my grasp.

Oh, Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, Please shine down on me!

Why can't this happen to me?

2006-01-06T17:50:00.000-04:00

"DALLAS, Texas (AP) -- An ordinary fruit sticker that mysteriously ended up on a $20 bill could spur currency collectors to bid up to 1,000 times the bill's face value at an auction Friday." ~ CNN.com

As of Thursday the bids were up to $14,000...

So... yeah... someone sticks a sticker midway through the printing process, and someone makes a mint off of it. I'm still waiting to find my special little object that I can make big bucks off of on ebay.

3...2...1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2006-01-04T09:53:00.000-04:00

We got no troubles
Life is the bubbles!
Under the sea…

Phil and I decided to take it easy this new year. With both of our jobs getting busier, and the threat of overtime lurking just over the horizon we decided to not make plans over the weekend and just see where it took us.

Saturday we went to the aquarium in Baltimore for some fun. Phil got tickets from work and Kera had given us a parking pass so it was pretty much a free day!
This turtle in the picture kept swimming up and down the front of the glass. Poor guy… I think he was bored.

There were two new exhibits that I had never seen before. The first was a frog exhibit. On the wall this giant picture of an adorable frog hung and Phil subjected himself to be photographed in the act of kissing it. Tee hee… The frog I remember the most was the blue dart frog! I tried to get a picture, but the color just didn’t do it justice.

The second new exhibit was, of course, the Australia exhibit. They’ve been working on this one for quite some time now. The best part in my opinion was the waterfall; it was just gorgeous. I was surprised to see a lizard on the ledge within hands reach. Phil asked the staff member why he wasn’t caged, and what kept him from coming down and they said its shyness that keeps them away from people. So if you ever go, watch the ground for lizards just in case!
There were “oldie but goodie” exhibits like the rain forest which are still favorites. I don’t know how many pictures I have of this bright pink bird, but here is yet another one. I wonder what he does all day. I’m bored when there isn’t anything to do, but he seems content to sleep and eat and just generally look pretty for people who come in. What a life!

Saturday night we welcomed the New Year and Sunday morning (after we finally woke up) Phil’s parents took us out for breakfast. Monday we rented Jaws and watched it with Phil’s mom. (For some reason, this movie kept coming up in conversation throughout the weekend, so we took it as a sign that we should watch it.) Tax season officially started yesterday, so if you don’t hear from me for a while it’s more than likely because of that.

Wishing everyone out there the hope of a happy new year!

Goodbye 2005

2005-12-28T17:33:00.000-04:00

I was discussing with Phil a while ago about how my life had been spiraling downhill since 2000. It has made me dread new years because what could possibly happen next?!? I'm afraid to find out. There have been good things along the way, but the bad has a way of outweighing the good.

Looking back, I realized that wasn't entirely fair, and it was horribly callous of me to say that, particularly when he's been one of the biggest highlights of my life lately.

2005 brought another move into my life. Two actually, when you think about it. One from Bel Air into Forest Hill with Pastor Tim and his family, who have graciously opened up their home to me, and two, from my comfort zone in "library land" to the foreign field of accounting at a firm in Hunt Valley. Oh yeah... and both things happened the same weekend. Sunday, the day I moved we got the van stuck down the hill behind the house I was staying in, which resulted in a two hour tug of war trying to get it out. Monday, bright and early I nervously dressed for my first day of work at the new job, and promptly threw up all of my breakfast right before walking out the door. Talk about system overload. You could say I had a bit of mismanagement there....)

Other changes included my brother moving to West Virginia which was quite an adjustment for me. I miss him dearly, and I'm still hoping to hear he'll be moving closer sometime very soon. (Hint, hint, nudge, nudge.)

Thanksgiving this year brought a road trip to North Carolina. I saw my Dad for the first time in three years! I can't believe how much my life has changed since he moved away.

I continue the search for my birth parents. I've hit dead ends here and there, but I can't help but feel that some answers are right around the corner. I can only hope that I am ready to handle those as they come my way in 2006.
A couple of highlights from '05 included a wonderful long weekend at the ocean with Chris and Kera, (who are now expecting identical twin girls!) a helicopter ride over Baltimore as well as a freaking awesome Def Leppard concert! I thought a TSO concert would be in my future, but they were sold out by the time I got the email and checked for tickets. Clearly, they are worth it, so there's nothing I can do but wait until next year. I'll just enjoy my CD and DVD until then.

Of course, who could forget the deer trauma last weekend? I'm still waiting for that to get resolved... this time last year I was signing papers for my new car. This time I'm signing her over to be repaired. Poor Lexi.

So with that I'll say goodbye to 2005, and hello to 2006. Here's to a better year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Christmas 2005

2005-12-27T22:54:00.000-04:00

Well how was everyone's Christmas? I hope it was both relaxing and fun-filled. I started my Christmas out with a bang... quite literally I'm afraid, as I lowered the deer population in Forest Hill Thursday night. Yes indeed ladies and gents... one more down only 3,458,217 more to go before we are DEER FREE!!! **Jess jumps up and punches fist in the air**

I am actually terrified of deer, so when I finally got a hold of my insurance to submit a claim and set up an estimate appointment it slightly disturbed me when Phil pointed out a large picture of a deer in the waiting room of the office building. I mean really! There should be some sort of law about what you can hang on the walls of auto insurance places!

Anyway, approximately $3,000 of damage later, I was ready to relax and enjoy the rest of the holiday. I had a wonderful day Christmas. It was just like being a kid again. From the presents under the tree to the warm and cozy fire in the fireplace, more Christmas magic to make up memories to come. After we had unwrapped all our gifts we went to Phil's grandfathers' for the biggest breakfast I've had in quite some time! Bacon, sausage, scrapple, eggs any way you like them, potatoes, homemade biscuits, fruit, and juice topped off this fantastic spread. After we found out what Santa had left us there we headed back to Phil's house where everyone would end up for dinner.

Phil and I finished out the evening with a lovely political debate (which I won't hold against him) and a couple rounds of Othello (our favorite game of the moment...) One of the best things that happened Christmas was realizing that I didn't have to go back to work the next day. So as we close yet another Christmas and begin the long dark winter, I have to wonder what the new year will bring!

Countdown

2005-12-19T16:35:00.000-04:00

The countdown has begun! Christmas is days away, and I HOPE I made my last trip to the mall for a long time. This weekend was packed with things to do, and going to the movies made the top highlights. I saw not one, but two movies... in theaters! That is a rare thing for me lately.

Has anyone noticed that movie theaters refuse to have 8:00 showings? If you miss the 7:10 that movie isn't playing again until 10:20. Needless to say, that is way past my bedtime, so I don't get to enjoy the movies as much as I used to. Phil and I made a point, however, to go this weekend, and somehow managed to fit two different ones in. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. One was a major disappointment, but the other was freaking AWESOME. I highly recommend Narnia. I have read all the books, but Phil has only read half of the first one, and he still loved it. So it's not something that you need to read or not read before you see.

On another note, if you want to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, if at all possible do not read the book, and if you have read it, just forget all you know about it because it has very little to do with the movie.

We also went to see the Festival of Lights Saturday night, which never fails to bring a little kid out in everyone. What is it about some lights strewn about that makes your entire attitude change? There is this spot on 152 just after Hess Road where if you look down into the valley there is nothing but lights. A real winter wonderland. That is about my half-way point between work and Phil's house, and usually I'm in a bad mood from traffic until I see those lights, and suddenly my spirits are lifted and I think of happier times. So what changes when the lights come down? What do they have that makes things appear brighter?

Holiday Season

2005-12-13T17:31:00.000-04:00

I wrapped my third to last Christmas package for this year! I just am waiting on two things to come in the mail and I'll be finished. Shh... did you hear that? That was a sigh of relief coming from somewhere in my general direction.

Christmas plans abound this Christmas. We have a lovely four day weekend at work which I cannot wait for, at which point I will temporarily move into Phil's to spend the holidays with his family. Apparently they have a lot of Christmas traditions, so I can't wait to be a part of that.

I'm a little sad this year because my brother won't be here for Christmas. So out of our family it's just me here in Maryland. I'll be stopping in to see my Grandmother, but our family gatherings have continually gotten smaller and smaller each year. I sent Matthew's package a week or so ago, and I gave Dad his while Phil and I were there for Thanksgiving, so I'm hoping I am done with the post office. They are certainly showing signs of strain...

Ahh... all part of the glorious holiday season.

Up Up... And Away!

2005-12-05T12:59:00.000-04:00

There aren't many words to explain this weekend, so instead I will do it with pictures. share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AYuG7Zi1cOXbA
Phil and I went on a helicopter ride over Baltimore and surrounding areas. If you get the opportunity, I would highly recommend it.

Sunday evening we attended our second murder mystery party at Kera's house. I haven't had a chance to publish those pictures yet.

Hustling and bustling right along this holiday season...

There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays...

2005-11-29T15:20:00.000-04:00

If I only knew where home was...

Phil and I got back from Dad's house in North Carolina Sunday night. Traffic wasn't as bad coming back as it was going down. We were delayed in the I 95 traffic just before the Capital Beltway due to the tanker truck fire. Thankfully no one was hurt, but it tacked on an extra hour and a half to our trip.

The visit itself went ok. Everyone likes Phil... (although as Chris says if you don't like Phil you've got some kind of serious problem) The weather was warm on Thanksgiving and very cold and windy the following day. I hear I missed the snow we had here in Maryland for Thanksgiving Day. There were a few personality conflicts that had to be ignored, and more than a few awkward moments... The problem is I missed my dad before I went down there, and I miss him now, but I still missed him even while I was there.

I took lots of pictures of all the animals. I got good ones of them all except the peacocks as they apparently do not enjoy having their picture taken... but boy can they run! It's a different way of life down there. We are spoiled here having everything in close proximity to where we live. Dad has to drive at least a half hour to get to the nearest grocery store. I guess I'll stop complaining about my commute to work. At least I can run to the store in less than ten minutes!

All My Bags Are Packed I'mma Ready To Go...

2005-11-18T14:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, maybe that's pushing it a bit, but in my completely exhausted, (both mentally and physically) terribly stretched thin and recently frozen little body they are. I leave for Dad's in exactly five days... less than that since we're half way through Friday and we actually leave early EARLY Wednesday morning. I have a car to get ready for a long trip, bags to pack, clothes to wash, Christmas gifts to get since I won't get to see them for Christmas, oh yeah, and a job that sucks up most of my time between now and then.

Happy Thanksgiving to us all.

Phil will be meeting the parents - so to speak - for the first time, and little does he know what he's getting into.

The only word that comes to mind when I'm describing my father is eccentric. According to the American Heritage Dictionary: "Departing from a recognized, conventional, or established norm or pattern." Yup, that's my Dad. Just when you think you figure him out he changes something up on you.

Then there's my stepmother. The only words that come to mind when I think of her are only used in the company of either my brother or Phil. I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say we are polite to each others faces if nothing else. (The whole polite thing is new as well.)

Then there's everyone else, who isn't necessarily as religious as the rest of my family, but still religious nonetheless. My religious preferences are being redefined daily, mostly due to seeing the way other 'religious' people act and wanting less and less to do with it. So no doubt that will come out at some point, but hopefully won't be too big of a deal.

Next stop: Laundry.

Happy Halloween!

2005-10-31T09:37:00.000-04:00

Well it has been an entire month since I blogged. I must confess my time has been spent elsewhere these days. Phil and I are currently addicted to jigsaw puzzles and lucky for us there is a specialty store at the mall that sells just puzzles.

Yesterday we stopped in because we had finished the first photomosaic one we bought there which was 500 pieces, and we have decided to move up to the 1000 piece one. It has proved to be much more difficult than the first.

The most interesting thing we saw there, however, we did not buy. An 18,000 piece puzzle... It calculated to finishing at 9 1/2 feet x 6 feet! The lady said they had figured if you did 50 pieces a day it would take you an entire year to finish it... Whew! Mind boggling isn't it? Here's one link...
http://www.jigsawjungle.com/code/puzztips.htm

The puzzle they show is only 8000 pieces. And it's still huge! I just can't even imagine the 18,000 piece one!

Saturday I went to Jess and John's Halloween party. Phil and I went as colleagues. He was Dr. Phil and I was Dr. Love. Plus he made some brownies that were TO DIE FOR. Which reminds me... I need to get some more of them...

Have a safe and happy Halloween everyone!

Camping Trip Weekend

2005-09-26T20:23:00.000-04:00

Swallow_Falls

I went camping with Kera, Kera's mom, (E-Ma) and Cara this past weekend. I wouldn't exactly call it roughing it, (although the air mattresses losing air half-way through the night was pretty "rough") since this campground offered a bathhouse complete with real toilets and hot steamy showers that were cleaned daily... (thank you God!)

We were an instant hit from the moment we arrived at camp. *Ahem* By that, I do mean, of course, that we were pegged as the "noisy group". This particular camp observed quiet hours from 11-7.

Located about as far into Western Maryland as you can get without crossing over into Virginia, Swallow Falls' big draw is naturally the water falls. They were lovely. We had a wonderful day of hiking on Saturday, and a beautiful day to observe the many attractions. I'm sad to report that we saw no bears, and thankful to report we saw no deer. Plenty of chipmunks and I'm sure frogs as we heard them at night. I was able to save two salamanders from certain death, and we're not sure, but we think we heard a rattlesnake or two...

Anyway, the camping trip was a success. Thanks largely to Kera who singlehandedly organized and map quested the entire trip. You rock!

Long Time No Blog...

2005-09-19T12:31:00.000-04:00

Another fun weekend has passed by and I still haven't blogged. You would think that with such activities as:

A road trip with Phil to Western Maryland last weekend to take in some family reunion time
A luau party at Holly's house for Rich's birthday and
A trip to Arundel Mills yesterday with friends

would evoke deep heart felt thoughts that I just couldn't contain inside myself any longer. Well, I am bursting with descriptions of what I did and where I've gone, and how much fun I've had... but for now I will just leave you with these pictures until next time...

The Plan

2005-09-06T10:08:00.000-04:00

The more precisely you plan, the harder destiny will hit you.

I like to know what's going on. I hate surprises. Which could be why I hate my twenties... or come to think of it, my later teens and now twenties. Nothing has gone according to "The Plan". I envy people with choices. People who can go to work around their schooling or work for "spending money" because someone else covers their bills. What's it like to face your dreams and say: "this is where I want to go" and be able to go?

Eh... one day perhaps.

Well I had a fabulous weekend. In fact, I'm waiting for the inevitable problem to come up as I'm now used to in my life. (Unless gas is to be the problem... $3.50 a gallon?!?)

First, we got off early on Friday. Traffic still sucked, but getting home by 2:30 was still pretty awesome. Plus I got to see the boys play soccer. (Eric made varsity!!!) Then Phil hung a gorgeous ceiling fan in my bedroom which made for an exciting evening. ;-)

Saturday was spent leisurely waking up on my own without the "help" of an alarm clock. (I can't believe I consider 8 am sleeping in... what has the world come to?!) Then I watched some CSI and ate breakfast in bed and waited for The Boy to come over so we could decide what we wanted to do. Ten hours later... (Ok, so I'm exagerating...) he popped in and we headed to Arundel Mills for some shop time. After about two hours of that (I got the new Casting Crowns CD!) we went to Fort McHenry where we walked the paths, and layed on the benches by the seawall and enjoyed the nice weather.

Sunday was a blur. It started with church services and went right into a picnic for the next couple hours. Can I just say... Good Food! There were many games of volleyball and horseshoes played (and two injuries sustained from rampant horseshoes.) From the picnic we went to a friend's house for a pool party, and it was actually hot enough to get in the pool, so that was really nice. We ended the evening watching Sahara and just generally relaxing from a busy day.

Monday was another day starting out with no plans. Went to breakfast with Phil's parents and then walked the boardwalk in Havre de Grace. We really lucked out with fabulous weather. Rushed home to make an appearance at my Grandmother's picnic at a nearby park, and then got back home and got a phone call from the Bro! Which made my day, and kind of didn't... only because my big brother had some surprising news, and I realized that I have some serious letting go to learn to do. Relaxed the rest of the evening watching some TV, and called it a night, turning in a great weekend.

So now we're all back to the grind... in more ways than one with school starting for many today, and vacationers back to work after a long weekend. Everyone going about their own personal version of...

The Plan.

In Todays Tenant Times:

2005-08-24T15:09:00.000-04:00

Daffynitions

Alarms: What an octopus is.

Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

Pasteurize: Too far to see.

Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose.

Toboggan: Why we go to auctions.

The Lighter Side Of Good Advice And Observations

If you can't be kind, at least have the courtesy to be vague.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The easiest way to find something you've lost is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice that the Roman Numerals for 40 are XL?
It's been said that if you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
There's a lot to be thankful for if you look for it. I was just thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

You love me but...

2005-08-23T01:51:00.000-04:00

When who you are and what you stand for offends your friends or family is it your problem or theirs?

***
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

When I heard this song by 3 Doors Down on my way to work this morning it set the driving mood and I was able to mull some things over.

I thought I had come to terms with the fact that nothing I do can or will be good enough for my family, but since it's still bothering me I'm going to assume I haven't come as far as I had thought.

Since my mother died and I "left" my father my family has been supportive in every way imaginable. That support also includes advice on anything and everything I do. While I appreciate the concern and well-meant criticism, I have to wonder if everyone is as loved as I am, why isn't the suicide rate higher?

I'm not a "Bible banger" but I go to church, although not one they particularly approve of. I have very strong views about things but I don't wave my opinions in their face like they do. It's almost like they serve a different God than I do. I don't want to avoid seeing them, but that's what is going to happen inevitably since there is only a certain amount of negativity that a person can absorb before they shut down completely.

I try to do what I think is right, and just because what I think is right isn't what they think is right, doesn't make my action wrong... right?

Sigh, I love them, I just don't know what to do with it sometimes.

New Inspiration

2005-08-22T16:12:00.000-04:00

I am definitely in need of some. I try to blog, I honestly do. But then those witty thoughts that come to me as I'm driving to and from work allude me when I try to capture them on paper. "That would make a great blog" I think to myself, then I get distracted by the jerk that just cut me off in traffic and the good feelings are gone and I've lost my happy place.

I'm also not so much dealing with the public now, which as most of you know was a constant eye roller. It gave me plenty to blather on about. Particularly in the Abingdon community where the population consisted of mothers with nothing better to do than to spend their husbands money and raise little demons they referred to as children. Ahh yes, I often think back on those days. Mostly because I miss Jess and the atmosphere of the library, but definitely not the public service.

Jess was right when she told me that it's when you're going through deep heart-felt emotion that you have your best writing. I wasn't normally at a loss for words this time last year, but then again I was pretty sad most of the time. I guess I'll take the lack of ideas over emotional pain. I'm pretty sure I'm getting the better end of the deal.

I'm still here fellow bloggers. Still pondering my thoughts in my own little world. Not sharing as much as I used to, but some thoughts were not meant for sharing. So until the next thought strikes and sticks in the form of a blog... take care of yourselves.

Two Girls For Every Boy...

2005-08-09T13:54:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday I came back from the beach. Four glorious days without having to answer the phone, get up at any certain time, or answer to any one person. It was lovely. Of course when I got back and started back at work I remembered why I try to avoid vacations in the first place... It's just too hard to get back into the swing of things. And why do the days simply fly by when you're sleeping on a boat and drag when you're sitting behind a desk? It doesn't make any sense.

If I knew how to put a photo album on here I'd share some pictures we took, but alas, you will just have to use your imagination. Just picture sun, sand, water, food, and lots of fun and I think you'll have it. It was so relaxing I didn't want to come home!

Don't Worry 'Bout A Thing

2005-07-25T16:35:00.000-04:00

Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled
Ever knocked on the sky and had it fall on your head
well, don't worry 'bout it, don't worry
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles, your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you really gotta go - Oh no!

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Ever sat yourself down when the seat is all wet
Or see your "ex" sucking face with a little brunette
Don't worry 'bout it, no don't worry
Ever lost your religion, ever lost yourbest friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else's gum off the bottom of your shoe - Boo hoo!

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it bringsDon't worry 'bout a thing

(Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah - Blah, Blah,Blah, Blah, Blah, - Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah)

Don't worry, don't worry

We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you're feelin' good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you'll laugh at mine

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Yup... that about sums things up right now.

Rough Morning

2005-07-12T08:48:00.000-04:00

I had a bit of trouble waking up today. I'm on these pills that are great at knocking you out at night, but not so great at letting you wake up in the morning. I fell asleep last night before making my lunch for today so not only did I get up late, I left very little time to get cleaned up, get dressed and make lunch, let alone time to eat breakfast.

I still somehow managed to get out of the door somewhat on time, although I hit traffic snags in three areas... Frustrating at first, but when I came up to the third one it turned out to be a four car accident on a two lane road. Not a pretty site. And could have been me had I gotten out on time and not hit traffic.

So, once again I find myself thankful for the little interruptions in my life that seem to make such a big deal and turn out to be for the better...

Hit Me Like A...

2005-07-11T11:44:00.000-04:00

I GOT TO SEE DEF LEPPARD IN CONCERT FRIDAY NIGHT!!! Can you say... BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE?!?!? They did all the best songs and some extras... It only took me an hour or so to get in, and an hour or so to leave, but it was so worth it.

Saturday Phil and I went to Hershey Park because last time I went I got two free tickets because it rained or something and some rides weren't operational, so we had an awesome but hot day there.

After Hershey Park we drove to Gettysburg to join a ghost tour... we thought we caught a ghost on film, but upon further review we decided it looked less and less like one. We did see baby skunks in the wild and boy were they cute. I want to go back and go on another tour just because of the cool ghost stories and the history you learn.

It was pretty late by this point so we stayed the night in Frederick and came back to Gettysburg in the morning to try to locate Devil's Den. An hour or so later we finally stumbled upon it and climbed there for a while before heading home for a pool party.

Needless to say it was a full and very exciting weekend. I certainly can't complain that there wasn't anything to do!

Life, Love, And Other Mysteries

2005-07-07T11:40:00.000-04:00

Heard from the bro yesterday. It wasn't a warm and fuzzy call like normal, but it sounds like he's finally fitting in somewhat. I miss him more than anything. I don't understand how moving out of state changes things so drastically for us. He used to call or text me every day just to say hi, and now we talk maybe once a month. His life just doesn't involve me anymore. He has a girlfriend and he wants to make a life there with her. I guess I need to learn to let go and be happy for him, and hope that he's happy there. With her. I think I'm sad because he used to need me and now he doesn't.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'm always worried about finances and if I'll ever be able to support myself. Also the fact that nothing in my life seems to be what I'm searching for is a constant battle. In about ten or twenty years I'll be able to look back on my life thus far and see what I should have done, but here and now it's a bit foggy. I got bad news from my doctor, and bad news from the bank, I quit the Praise Team from my church and I got my first evaluation from my new job. With each thing there were different reactions. So in this never-ending search for my life's purpose I find myself once again thinking: "What's next?"

Moving Day!

2005-06-29T18:49:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to Chris and Kera, two of my bestest buds who as of today moved into their second home, (but first big BIG house). I am so happy for them and hope they never move again as my legs are telling me they won't put up with much more. Just kidding guys!

(I'm the turtle in the above picture since he is being bribed by the little chipmunk guy or whatever that little creature is on his back.) That looks like something Kera would do to keep me moving. :)

Congratulations!

I'm Not Sure When...

2005-06-28T15:56:00.000-04:00

This "fear of being alone" thing started.

I think it was sometime after the second attempted break-in. I was under the impression that it was one of those areas that had a really low crime rate, (which it does) but that doesn't stop some people apparently. I was never afraid when I lived completely alone in my apartment. Surrounded by people I didn't know, constantly vandalized, the occasional "egging" of the building or my favorite car ever. Now I don't want to go home on the off chance I might be alone. It's amazing what one (or two) little incidents can do to your confidence.

I think part of it is my brother moving out of state. I've always known he'd be there to protect me and now... he has someone else to take care of. And it's not me. When I'm alone I want the alarm set in the house because my big brother (the original alarm) isn't around to take care of things. I set it wrong the other night, which I heard about... I don't think I was supposed to hear about it, but I did. Then Phil explained the system again, but I won't be touching it anymore if I don't have to. I remember laughing with one of my friends about the alarm system they had when we house sit for them. Even though they had a dog they still had an alarm and naturally since no one is perfect we keyed the code in wrong and the alarm company called etc. Luckily the people assured us that it happened all the time, so we didn't feel too bad.

A lot of people don't like being alone, I just found out about it.

Voice of Tigger...

2005-06-27T10:21:00.000-04:00

Gone forever. Paul Winchell died at the age of 82. As many of you know Tigger is my favorite character in Winnie the Pooh, but I didn't know that Mr. Winchell also did the voice of Gargamel on the Smurfs, and Boomer from Fox and the Hound.

He contracted polio at the age of six and overcame a speech impediment! He also patented the disposable razor. He donated his early artificial heart to research and other researchers built an artificial heart that was implanted in patients after 1982. How's that for a list of accomplishments?

Lions Free Kidnapped Girl

2005-06-21T10:22:00.000-04:00

Ok it's official. God can use anything to his advantage.

I'm addicted to news. Miss Lori and I used to watch the Today Show every morning when she was still teaching. When I get to work (usually early because I'm a freak) I open the CNN home page so I can keep up with the daily news going on. I love it.

Well today I came across a touching story of an Ethiopian 12 year old girl who was kidnapped in Addis Ababa to be forced into marriage. (I can't imagine anything worse.) For seven days they held her, beating her, trying to force her into the marriage until the lions chased them away. They stood guard over her for half a day before her parents found her. Then when they did, they just left and went back into the forest.

Scientists say that they believe the sounds of a young girl crying and wimpering could be mistaken for the sound of a mewing lion cub. Which could explain why they protected and didn't attack her. Not that scientific explanation means anything, I believe that she was protected by a higher power.

The United Nations estimates that more than 70 percent of marriages in Ethiopia are by abduction. And I complain about dating... Talk about opening my eyes!

Gettysburg

2005-06-16T13:17:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been to Gettysburg? I went for the very first time on Saturday. It was a blistering 9o something with a heat index that made it feel roughly like walking in a furnace naked. But besides that... I think it's my new favorite place. There are so many things to see, and yes Phil, so much history and preservation... *rolls eyes*

I want to go back and do the ghost walk through the battlefield and through Devil's Den. I didn't realize there were so many ghost stories tied in to that area. But now that I know... I'm all over it.

Did I mention the wax house? Yes... particularly interesting to me as I recently saw House of Wax... (the remake with Paris Hilton, totally worth watching just to see her die... although the character she played was pretty down to earth and made you almost like her.) Anyway, that was my exciting Saturday. I came back and immediately started researching whatever I could find on the ghost sitings in Gettysburg. Now I'm anxious to go back and walk the ghost walk!

Object Lesson

2005-06-02T08:32:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Dan for the email this morning.

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.

One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.

On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.

Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smith said only these words... "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me." Matthew 25:40.

Be careful who you hurt today.

Don't Throw A Brick Straight Up

2005-06-01T16:02:00.000-04:00

Mad Libs Frenzy...

Don't eat milk cartons.
Don't stoke fires with your eyebrow.
Don't throw a tuning fork straight up.
Don't roll with friends on a plain in a heat and use metal hats as markers.
The stuff on the bottom of your belt is not for internal consumption.
If you want to pound on the test tube to tell the landlord to turn up the heat, don't do it with your ankle.
If you're riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you laugh.
Don't throw yourself.
Don't swallow insect repellent.
Don't bathe in lemonade.
Don't sneak up to a cow and whack it on the belly button.
Don't lick pelicans, hamsters, or beetles.
Rake irons, not people.
Don't kick stone walls very hard without wearing thick-soled belts.
Wear leiderhosen.
Use a cuff link when removing items from the oven.
Don't yell.
Don't frolic.
Don't tie yourself to an iron.
Don't brush your teeth with a wire-bristled telephone.
Give me all your picnic baskets.
Toasters should be used to cook meatloaf, not your eyelashes.
Under no circumstances should you ever sigh.

This weekend...

2005-05-31T14:34:00.000-04:00

I learned that:

Regardless of knowing the remnants of your heart will be breaking in a day or so you can still put a smile on your face and pretend to be happy.
Spontaneous "monsoons" and "torrential downpours" can be simultaneously maddening and awesome.
Goosebumps can be a good thing.
No matter how in control of a situation you think you are, you should be prepared for something to go wrong.
Corn Pops get soggy very quickly.
There are no black capri pants in my size... ANYWHERE
My aunt has the ability to put things in perspective better than anyone I know.
Mixing politics and movie stars is a bad subject.
I can be lonely in a crowd of people.

AND...

No matter how much you eat at numerous Memorial Day celebrations, there is always room for dessert.

These are among the many lessons I learned this weekend. There were more of course, but I didn't want to overwhelm you, dear reader.

I hope your weekend was filled with learning and many good times and memories.

Memorial Day Weekend!!!

2005-05-27T13:58:00.000-04:00

I heard on the radio yesterday that a mental health organization in Canada, in an attempt to cut costs, closed their 24 hour suicide hotline. The line will now only be working 9-5 Saturdays and Sundays... So for those of you living in Canada thinking of committing suicide and calling for help... make note to do so during the working hours of 9-5 on the weekend. Although in their defense the people that actually tell someone they're thinking of committing suicide are generally just looking for attention. The people that really do have suicidal tendencies aren't around to discuss it. So in that case it makes sense.

On a happier note, we are looking at a three day weekend... or a four day for the majority of people that were smart enough to request today off. Cough cough, not me...

I wonder how many people actually stop to think about what Memorial Day really is. Looking back I always thought of it as a picnic/bar-b-cue day. I don't remember ever thinking of it as a day to remember patriots. Now, of course, I look at things very differently.

Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day. And naturally it's a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service.

It makes me think twice about how I spend my time, and be grateful for the time I had.

www.scottstratten.com/movie.html

Tim and Lindsay Sittin' in a Tree...

2005-05-19T14:12:00.000-04:00

I did it. Yes, boys and girls. I, Jessica, attended a bachlorette party without speaking out against mariage one time. Woohoo! From where I come from that's progress! The old Jess would have beaten down the bridesmaids to get to the soon-to-be bride... "Don't do it!" "Run!" "Save yourself!" (But please, tell him before he's at the alter waiting, and you're staging a kidnapping...)

Anyway, I guess you can tell where I spent my evening. We hopped on over to the Turf Inn in Timonium where we enjoyed a party out on the deck after work for happy hour there. Nothing big, just a lot of women determined to have a good time.

While I talk big and bad about my anti-marriage thoughts, I do think about what would happen if I ever met that "right one" everyone is always telling me about. They seem to think that my views will change, so it will be interesting to see.

I'm aware I have commitment problems. That's the horribly sick part of the whole thing. I'm aware of it, but unwilling to change.

Complaint Day

2005-05-11T14:55:00.000-04:00

Helllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooo. I wasn't aware of it, but with the way my day has gone thus far it would seem that today is national give-Jess-your-complaint day. It's truly exciting, and I know some people look forward to this holiday all year long.

In times like these I think back to what my mom used to tell me when I complained about things not going my way. "Suck it up and deal." Ok, so my mother never ever said "suck" but it was along those lines. I remember it making me pretty mad when she'd say it, but it does have a valid point. I saw a T-shirt I want to buy and hand out to complainers. It's kind of funny with a hint of sarcasm... "Put your big-girl panties on and deal with it"... ahem... yes, just a hint of sarcasm there. Tee hee. (or big-boy boxers if you're of the opposite sex...)

But seriously, I know I'm an offender as well, sometimes things happen that you can't help but complain about, but after that... suck it up and deal. In comparison to many other people my life is wonderful, but sometimes my own problems are all I can see. When that happens I think about where I would be today if I hadn't been adopted into a good family. If that doesn't work I do a google image search of hunger or starvation, and suddenly I realize... my life isn't so bad...

If neither of those attempts work, I eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. And suddenly... whatever is going to happen is out of my control... but it's ok.

Dear Old Dad

2005-05-05T09:29:00.000-04:00

Last night I called my Dad. I'm ashamed to say we talk less and less these days. After he moved we used to talk about every other week, now it's about once a month with some missed calls and messages in between. Sometimes I hate change. We were very close, and now when we talk it's pretty superficial with not a whole lot of depth to the conversation. Oh we update each other on current events and weather, but it's just not the same. I haven't seen him in over two years, but it seems a lot longer than that.

Anyway, on the home front they are getting involved in the United States Equine Rescue League, INC. which is an organization that takes neglected horses and gets them back to where they need to be health wise. http://www.userl.org/

They have a farm in North Carolina and saw this as their chance to get active in the community. The organization reimburses you for your care for the horses, as well as your time. As with most of Dad's ideas I sit back and wait for it to happen before I give it too much credibility. The organization looks sound enough though, and the concept is wonderful.

This reminds me of when Dad bought goats to help with the land upkeep. He didn't think about putting pink and blue goats together and got little goats in the process. However, his lady goats, (he describes as elderly lady goats) didn't want kids, and ended up killing their children. This angered my father and now he is getting rid of the goats because he is upset with them. Sigh, gotta love my dad.

On a completely different topic, have you ever heard of fainting goats?
Click here...
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jimknapp/goats.html

Moundsville News

2005-05-04T15:29:00.000-04:00

Autopsy confirms accidental drowning in the Monongahela River
Sewage-plagued communities still suffering
Labor history film festival
Man accused of murdering a Moundsville couple and burying them in their own basement waives his own preliminary hearing
Landslide closes one lane of Rt. 7
Man dies when section of rail car falls on him
Former inmate who spent most of his life behind bars visits Moundsville Pen to donate his artwork.

These are among the top stories in the Moundsville News. My favorite story was about a lady celebrating her 100+ birthday. She was surrounded by nursing home staff while she lay in the background looking as though she was in a coma.

You may wonder why I'm looking up the Moundsville news. (Moundsville is located in West Virginia) My brother is moving out that way, so I thought I would show my support by looking up some local "hot spots" for when I come to visit. The webpage also had a link to Federal Prison Consultants which I would imagine is very helpful.

In all fairness I will reserve my opinion until I go out there officially to visit. However, from what I have gleaned online I do believe that I already have a pretty good idea of what I will find: People that could easily pass as skeletons... I'm just kidding, I'm sure it is a very nice place. Matthew sure loves it, but I think it's because any person is allowed to carry a handgun as long as it is carried in plain view. That and the price of land which is always something he has craved. Oh yeah, and his girlfriend.

Sigh, there goes another little piece of my heart...

2005-05-02T18:22:00.000-04:00

I Now Sentence You To Life Imprisonment...

As Long As We Both Shall...

2005-05-02T11:23:00.000-04:00

So I thought of the perfect place for my wedding... If I ever have a moment of weakness and/or find a guy that can handle me that is. Have you ever noticed that many jails are the most attractive buildings (from the outside anyway) achitecturally speaking? And since my opinions of marriage pretty much center around it being more like a life sentence I thought it appropriate.

Picture this: fluorescent lighting that needs to be replaced, cold concrete walls with no windows, the sound of other "inmates" tapping on the bars welcoming you, bars about to close locking you in forever, and my personal favorite; the old ball and chain...

Ahh yes, the smell of prison in the morning. There could be all sorts of neat party favors. Your very own personalized handcuffs, or miniature ball and chains, or even little bendable jailbirds. And for the bride and groom, orange jumpsuits with "Just Married" written on the back... or better yet, "Just Sentenced".

After the priest finishes with the vows, he can say: "I now sentence you to life imprisonment" and then slam the cell shut. I like it. Of course seating could be a problem, that and the whole renting a jail cell thing... Plenty of witnesses though, in case my friends think I've gone completely wacko and decide not to show... I guess my colors would be black and white...

Well looks like all the details are working themselves out. Now all I need is a jail cell... oh yeah, and a guy...

Goals, Budgets, and Baby Steps...

2005-04-19T15:18:00.000-04:00

So I've got this dream. I don't talk about it much, but for the last couple years I haven't felt like I've had somewhere to call home. I mean in the emotional sense. I've had places where I go home physically to, but it's not the "big-girl-I'm-independent-now" place I've always dreamed of. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or all high and mighty, it's just a dream and a goal that I never talk about that I decided to share.

Matthew is looking into starting his own home in West Virginia. (My feelings and emotions on that issue are not going to be disclosed at this time.) He knows he will have my full support regardless of his decision, also that I will miss him more than a fat kid misses cake at a birthday party. That said, the idea of him leaving makes me feel even further from finding my own home now more than ever.

So, sad, depressing, frownie faces aside, onto a happier thought. Thanks to my awesome cousin for coming up with a budget maker for me, I have input my information... well almost all of it... I'm lying to my budget maker... I didn't enter my overtime or my tax refund... I figure the money can't be budgeted if it doesn't know it exsists... (shhhh) Anyway, this is going to help me figure out how much I can save per year towards my goal. That's the idea behind the concept. We'll see. So far it is just depressing me further.

When I worked at the library... perhaps you remember it? It was my last job. Namely the job that was paying the bills (barely) in exchange for large chunks of my soul. Anyway, these kids would come in... you know the ones I mean. The ones that mommy and daddy are giving a free ride to. Here sweetie, have a car. Here darling, go to college. You need money? Here's daddy's credit card. They might have a job, but work little to no hours and complain they have no social time. I'm serious, they exsist, as you probably know. They would be the ones that were upset that a public library could possibly charge them money when they returned their material late... (if they even returned them at all)

Mostly girls, I'm sorry to say, would have the worst attitudes. Yet they always managed to make it sound like their life was so bad. Their parents gave them everything, and the kids treated their parents like crap. I wanted to leap over the counter and tell them to be grateful for having their parents, as others aren't so lucky anymore. I had a point in going off on that little tangent, but that point is now forgotten.

Anyway, I'm taking baby steps towards my savings account. It's cool to watch it grow. Since I've been working late I haven't had time to spend it... (maybe that's a good thing) but time will tell.

Tax Season

2005-04-11T17:25:00.000-04:00

The very wise Philip once said: "That's what friends are for, be here when they need each other, pump you up when you're down and deflate you when you're too big."

I am so thankful for my friends, particularly the ones that have listened to me vent these past couple days. You rock!

Well this is the last week of tax season. Tax season. Who thought of that? A season? Spring, summer, fall, winter... and tax? Let's add it to the calendars. It could be your new favorite season. Boy I love those spring, summer and tax fashions. We'll jam it right after winter and right before spring.

All in all I can't say that tax season was particularly awful. (Not that I put in the total amount of hours that everyone else did.) I had one or two days that I bit a certain someone's head off, and a couple sleepless nights, (or it seemed sleepless anyway) but it's not something I would dread. There were only two days I can think of that I had visions of slitting my wrists with a dull paper clip, but the moments quickly passed and I put the paper clip to better use.

I think I will treat myself to the ultimate strawberry daiquiri, and the BEST HOT FUDGE BROWNIE OBSESSION at Fridays when it's all over. (You'll just have to try it to find out why I felt the need to scream it at you.)

Ahhh... tax season

Recovering From An Awesome Weekend

2005-04-05T09:04:00.000-04:00

I had the most amazing weekend. You know the ones that just are so jam-packed with fun? I had one of those.

It all started after work Friday night when I met my Jessikinz and other library buds for dinner and drinks at Fridays. (Ha ha, Friday at Fridays...) We had a blast catching everyone up to date on what was going on. Plus Jess's boyfriend John ordered this lovely hot brownie with vanilla ice cream, caramel and fudge sauce. Mmm. Mmmm. Mmmmm. I think Jess and I... er... "helped" him eat it. The time went so fast, and before we knew it the evening came to a close. But we had so much fun we promised to do it again. (Maybe at the Def Leppard concert in July??? eh?? Yeah!)

Saturday after work, I rushed home to change and meet my other library bud Kris to go see the Smuckers Stars on Ice. I've never seen ice skating on anything other than the TV, so I was pretty excited about it. I think Kris and Elizabeth are experienced die hard fans though as they had binoculars, and had just gotten back from DC the night before from another ice skating show. All-in-all yet another fun evening. My one complaint? I could have sat through another good hour and a half. I think I'll definitely look into going again. :)

To complete the weekend, (as well as losing an hours sleep... UGG) I um... eventually got up for church... and enjoyed yet another of Pastor Tim's awesome sermons. (How does he do it? Holding down a job, family, and a church? Hmmm.) After church the young adults met at the Fallston park and ride to go to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert. I haven't been to many concerts, but in my limited experience it was pretty awesome. Our seats were on the floor right near the stage. Casting Crowns opened for him, and I've already put a bid in on ebay for their CD. I would highly recommend them if you're looking for a good new Christian band. After Casting Crowns, Chris Tomlin came out, and kept warming up the crowd. It was just a steady build-up from there, ending with Steven Curtis Chapman. He was obviously meant to be the highlight, and for most I'd say he was, but I still liked Casting Crowns the best. I leave you with the lyrics (sorry Jim) to one of their songs...

If We Are The Body

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

Jesus is the way

This song hit me right between the eyes. Mostly because I have many unsaved friends who have been hurt by the very people that are supposed to reach out. Instead, they judge and show no pity or mercy. I wish you could have felt the music and emotion when they sang this song. Be careful of who you hurt today.

Update

2005-04-04T09:07:00.000-04:00

Helloooooooooooooooooo!

Ok, first of all, I humbly apologize for not boring you sooner with the latest in the world of Jess. So much, and I do mean so much has gone on in the past month there simply hasn't been time or opportunity to blog.

Let's see... where to begin. I don't remember if I told you I had an interview back in February at the accounting firm my pastor works at. Anyway, I had an interview for a receptionist position and miracle upon miracles I got the job. (I think it was because of the pull Pastor Tim had, but...) So, I had a heartbreaking decision to make... You may roll your eyes at the term I used, but the people I worked with at the library had become so much more than just coworkers. They had become my friends. At first I didn't want to change anything. (I'm not one to embrace change...) But with some gentle persuasion (wink wink Phil cough cough...) I hoped the change would be good for me. So at this point I think I owe Phil for life because I love this job. At times it's tedious, and naturally there are people that aren't going to see things your way, but that is everywhere.

My Grandmother has taken to calling me now because I never get to see her anymore, and when she found out how much I love my new job her reaction was: "And to think you almost turned it down." Thanks Grandma. My Grandmother is the sweetest and godliest woman I know, so that is as close as she will ever come to saying: "I told you so."

...and because I have no life I volunteered for as many overtime hours as I could get. (Good stuff!) The funny thing is I don't mind working. I went out with my brother, Kara and Phil last saturday evening after I got off work and was in a good mood! Which is unusual for me normally after working a saturday.

Right before I started the new job I caught a lung infection. Ok, ok, I can almost hear Kara going into "mommy mode." I didn't exactly catch it. It was the result of a cold gone wild. Basically I didn't go to the doctor when I should have, and it turned into something big and bad. In my defense though, who goes running to the doctor for every little cough they get? Obviously not me. So my second to last week at the library was spent on my living room couch. Thank goodness once again for Phil who made me go to the doctor, watched movies, brought ice cream... you know, the important stuff.

The next week prior to the new job was spent packing. Yes, packing. I moved... once again. Which went just about as horribly as you can possibly imagine. From a tote lid flying off down the road to getting the van stuck down the hill, pretty much nothing went right. With all the rain we had gotten it probably wasn't the wisest decision to back a non 4wheel drive vehicle down a slightly steep incline... (cough cough Lowell cough cough) just kidding. I really appreciated him letting us use his van, and I'm sorry to say we returned it covered in mud because after many attempts to get it up the hill (tearing up the lawn in the process) my brother ended up pulling it out with "The Beast." The affectionate term we call his Jeep. Long story short, it took a little longer than originally anticipated to move. But thank goodness it's over for however long this time.

So now I live with Pastor Tim and his family in Forest Hill. I started out in the spare room in the basement and have currently been upgraded to the suite (also known as the den) due to a slightly minor slightly serious flooding basement problem. Well just in my room actually. God did promise to never flood the entire earth again. Lucky me.

So I think that brings us up to date. I had an extremely busy fun-filled weekend, but that's another blog.

Well well well

2005-03-28T09:56:00.000-04:00

Long time no blog!

I promise to update you on everything first chance I get. Just wanted to let you know I didn't jump off a cliff contrary to popular belief... and I'll fill you in on it all later.

Happy day to everyone in cyber land!

2005-02-23T14:11:00.000-04:00

Courage is not freedom from fear.
It is being afraid and going on.

On A Journey To The Past

2005-02-23T13:03:00.000-04:00

Got another packet of information from the Department of Social Services again. This time it's all about authorizing a search to begin looking for my parents. It's interesting because once you start there's no turning back. Once Social Services contacts Sara and lets her know I'm looking for her that's it. She knows. What will she think? Will she want to know what I look like? Does she have a family now? Will she keep me a secret from them if she does?

In the packet I have an option to write a letter for them to give to her. I've tried writing it. But I sit looking at the blank Word document screen and simply wait, thinking the words will eventually come and they don't. What exactly do you say to the woman who gave birth to you that you've never met? Umm... thanks? Hey this is me... wondering about you... do you think of me too? If she is from the area have I seen her? Has she seen me? Since I started working at the library I've often wondered if I've ever encountered her.

Having given up a daughter for adoption, does she look at girls with similar features about the right age and wonder if they are me?... or rather Allison as I was then. This may sound strange, but I often forget what I look like. My face isn't one that I can conjure up in my mind whenever I want to. (Not that I'd want to.) My Grandmother's, my Mom's, and my brother's faces I can see clearly. Right down to every mole and unique feature, but mine I don't see. When I think of myself it's generally just a body with brown hair, but no features on my face.

I've got that song from Anastasia going through my head right now...

Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear

Or how the road can seem so long
Or how the road can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart i'm trusting you
On this journey... to the past

One step at a time one hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future
Things my heart still needs to know

Baby Got Book

2005-02-18T22:57:00.000-04:00

Check this out!

http://www.users.muohio.edu/miyamadm/babygotbook512.wmv

Thanks to Jeff for the link!

2005-02-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

Be Like That

2005-02-16T10:16:00.000-04:00

Every morning, I wake up, turn on my laptop while I'm brushing my teeth, check my email, and choose a song for my theme for the day. It depends on what has happened the day before, or what is in store for the day, but today for some reason I feel compelled to share my choice for the soundtrack in my neverending story. It's "Be Like That" by 3 Doors Down. And naturally for your reading enjoyment (ha) I have included the lyrics...

He spends his nights in California
Watching the stars on the big screen.
Then he lies awake and wonders
Why can't that be me?
Cause in his life he's filled with all these good intentions.
He's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now.
But just before he says goodnight,
He looks up with a little smile at me and he says

If I could be like that I'd give anything
Just to live one day
In those shoes.
If I could be like that, what would I do?
What would I do?

Now in dreams we run.

She spends her days up in the north park,
Watching the people as they pass.
And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream,
Is that too much to ask?
With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a quiet little street.
All she wants is just that something to hold onto, that's all she needs.

Yeah.

If I could be like that, I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes.
If I could be like that, what would I do?
What would I do?

I'm falling into this, in dreams we run away.

If I could be like that, I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes.
If I could be like that, what would I do?
What would I do?

Falling in.
I feel I am falling in to this again...

2005-02-08T14:37:00.000-04:00

How Far Should A Girl Go To Succeed

2005-02-08T13:26:00.000-04:00

I worked Sunday at another library. In a conversation with one of the other staff members we were chit-chatting about normal topics of conversations for someone like me. (Which due to my age, and giant ring I wear on the ring finger of my left hand generally consists of the "are you married/engaged/seeing someone," and the "are you in school" topic.)

After sharing majorly edited parts of my life (i.e. single and waiting to go back to school when I can) she asked me what my major was and I told her Computer Aided Drafting and Design. To which she replied: "You'll probably get there because you're young and cute. The only way to get anywhere in this world is to flirt your ass off." Am I crazy to be offended by that? My face must have conveyed exactly what I was thinking... (you psycho nutbrain) because she quickly amended: "I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, just that it's what you have to do to succeed in this man's world."

Most women will tell you that there is a point in conversations where a level of primitive hostility can come up between two women who have only just met that in ancient time probably resulted in being stabbed in the ribs with a hand-crafted dino bone.

Is it really so unheard of to actually ... (gasp) work your way to the top?

2005-02-07T15:00:00.000-04:00

Change

Making Room For Change

2005-02-07T13:46:00.000-04:00

In a recent discussion about people changing, and the ones that love them accepting those changes and embracing what they have become, I realized that love is when you can truly accept anything that comes along in life about a person. Good and bad.

Billy Joel sang the song: "Just The Way You Are."

...I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew...
I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

At first glance I thought the singer was stating that no matter what his significant other changed he would love her regardless. (Collective...'Awww') In closer observation it seems that instead he is begging her to not change. Can we ever really ask anyone to do that?

When it comes to relationships it is 'oh so obvious' that when problems arise, the first thing people are willing to change... is the other person.

In a powerful scene between a father and daughter in the movie Sweet 15 the father (Samuel) confronts his daughter (Marta) when she comes home late from being out with a boy he forbid her to see. What Marta's father doesn't know is that this boy has been helping her gather signatures from past employers in order for Samuel to obtain his American citizenship through an amnesty program.

Samuel: "I don't know who you are anymore! You're not my daughter! You don't belong in this family!"

Marta: "All my life I've looked up to you. you've taught me to believe in your dream of who I am and who I could be. And every time I try to be those things you cut me down. You're right. Your daughter isn't here. She finally grew up. And if I don't belong in your family, it's because you won't make room for me."

Cutting words... do they say anything to you?

Phil summed it up perfectly: "A person will resist change until they are forced to adapt."

My Life Quest (Part 2)

2005-02-03T15:36:00.000-04:00

I had a meeting with my social worker yesterday afternoon to open my adoption file and find a bit more about my life before... well before anything I knew.

I was a little nervous about what I would find... if anything, and had several inhibitions regarding decisions I'd have to make in the future based on what I found.

My maternal mother's past was full of broken homes, drugs, alcohol, sexual abuse, and just general bad choices. (I'll spare you the details.) Not that I expected a fairy tale storybook. I'm sure there aren't all that many "perfect" (I use the term loosely) families out there that give their children up for adoption, but the story was a lot more involved and sad than I expected.

My mother (Sara) went into labor on January the 18th and I was born in the afternoon, at 12:55 pm to be precise on January19th - 6 lbs. 3 oz. crying immediately. Since my mother elected not to see me I was immediately taken away and given the name 'Allison Scott.' I was placed in a foster home to be given the medical attention I needed until custody was decided. My alleged father (Carl) wanted custody of me, however when it came time for the court appearance he could not be located and was thought to be out of the country in the military. At the end of August of the same year it was finally decided that I should be placed in a potential adopted family with a status of 'high risk.' (Generally meaning that I could be taken away at any point.) The Farrells welcomed me (such a happy screaming child) into their home and five months later finalized my adoption.

In 1982, there were approximately 34,810 abortions in Maryland. (And those were the ones actually on record.) So thank you Sara, wherever you may be, for choosing life for me, and giving me the opportunity to live.

I can hear her talking with a friend
I think it's all about me
Oh how she can't have a baby now
My mommy doesn't see
That I feel her breathe, I know her voice
Her blood, it flows through my heart
God you know my greatest wish is that
We'd never be apart

But if I should die before I wake
I pray her soul you'll keep
Forgive her Lord, she doesn't know
That you gave life to me

Do I really have to say goodbye
Don't want this time to be through
Oh please tell her that I love her Lord
And that you love her too

Cause if I should die before I wake
I pray her soul you'll keep
Forgive her Lord, she doesn't know
That you gave life to me

On the days when she may think of me
Please comfort her with the truth
That the angels hold me safe and sound
Cause I'm in Heaven with you
I'm in Heaven with you

~Kathy Troccoli

2005-02-01T19:59:00.000-04:00

Jessie and Phil

All About Phil

2005-02-01T19:06:00.000-04:00

My friend Phil is sad. He has to go through one of the toughest situations for couples. Being apart. Being apart from someone you love is difficult, but with enough love it is possible to endure.

So a great big gi-normous e-hug goes out to Phil and Jessie who are apart.

"You are written in the stars, all that separates you, is time, the time it took to read the map which is placed within your hearts, to find your way back to one another."

"Even when you are apart, you have a link from heart to heart."

Cheer up grumpy gills. When life gets you down, you just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

2005-01-23T17:15:00.000-04:00

There are bullet holes in this sign for a reason...

NOT A Passing Lane!

2005-01-23T16:12:00.000-04:00

I was driving up Tollgate Road when I came up to a car turning left... so I did what every other person that drives on Tollgate Road does. I tried to go around him on the right. This time a guy with a death wish stepped out in front of me and yelled: "This is not a passing lane!" while pointing vehemently downward to the road.

In his defense, the Maryland Driver's Handbook does state: "You may pass on the right only when the vehicle being overtaken is making or about to make a left turn. However, you must stay on the traveled portion of the road. You cannot drive on the shoulder of the road to pass another vehicle."

Hmm, you will be happy to know that I neither flicked him off nor did I yell out: "Earth is full! Go home!" (Although I did drive back up the road with every intention of doing at least the latter... He was gone.)

Sigh.

2005-01-22T19:43:00.000-04:00

God told Noah to build him an arky arky...

Two - By - Two

2005-01-22T18:10:00.000-04:00

I celebrated my 23rd birthday on Wednesday. Woohoo! Ok, I don't really feel any different, but birthdays get such a big woopdidoo I thought I should mention it.

Oh and yes... still single. It actually doesn't bother me as much as it seems to be bothering the rest of the world. My cousin even brought a guy to the library to meet me. (I should mention that my family is normally normal... if you can say such a thing. We try to keep our Satanic sacrificing rituals under wraps when we have guests...) But really, couples are always aspiring to entrap their single friends. I wonder why. It's like the idea of a world where everyone isn't tramping about two - by - two, like the animals crowding on board Noah's ark, is totally unheard of.

Maybe I'm afraid of another failed relationship. I could start dating some potentially wonderful guy, hand over my heart... (or what's left of it) and let him do what he wants with it. Then again, psychologically I don't think my body will let that happen. Since I don't make very good character assessments, I think it's best to build walls for the time being. It's safer because it would just be one more area of my life where I'd feel inadequate.

Then again... maybe I'm just happy being single!

Just another one of my...

2005-01-21T12:40:00.000-04:00

idiosyncrasies...

I have quite a few I'm finding out. Like the fact that I compulsively check the lights on my car to be sure that they aren't on when I lock up. Even though I know I turned them off when I turned the car off.

Like arriving early to the airport. I usually have plenty of time but you never know when airport security might mistake a twenty something American woman for a deranged Muslim fundamentalist who might attempt to take over the airplane with the pair of tweezers she smuggled through the checkpoint... ( I never got those tweezers back...)

I always try to be twenty minutes early to a movie because I have convinced myself that I can't enjoy it if I don't like the seat I'm in or if I miss the previews to the movie. Regal Cinemas even provide what they call "The Twenty" which plays (you guessed it) twenty minutes before the movie. It kind of sucks when you've seen several new releases at the same time, because they only change the twenty once in a while, so you're stuck watching the same one over and over again. My brother hates it. My ex-boyfriend made fun of me for actually enjoying it.

On a different note altogether, I find movie etiquette fascinating. Some people watch while eating, others talk incessantly while kicking the back of your seat. Apparently it's ok to talk during a movie when there are less than a certain number of people in the theater. I went to see "Spanglish" the other day... alone like the loser I am and was one of three women in the theater. In the middle the other two women (who did not know each other) started discussing the movie. I have always wished for the immediate extinction for these people.

Oh well... Odd but happy with who I am... Excited with who I will become...

I'm Taking A Sick Day

2005-01-11T08:21:00.000-04:00

Yesterday MSN had a report on the top 20 excuses people use to call in sick to work:

I was sprayed by a skunk. (What?!?)
I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious. (And came to... when?)
My bus broke down and was held up by robbers. (Hello! News report?)
I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity. (Don't you get a phone call?)
I forgot to come back to work after lunch. (I hate when that happens.)
I couldn't find my shoes. (We all know that the average American owns one, and only one pair of shoes.)
I hurt myself bowling. (This is plausible, I think.)
I was spit on by a venomous snake. (Should have gone with a spider bite.)
I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow. (How fast was that cow going?)
A hitman was looking for me. (And today he's not?)
My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser. (Hopefully you show up with a shorter hairstyle the next day.)
I eloped. (Dumb, but possible I suppose.)
My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up. (This has actually happened to me.)
My cat unplugged my alarm clock. (Gotta love those opposable thumbs...)
I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial. (Wouldn't they have had that scheduled way in advance?)
I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India. (Poor old Granny's bones... wait... just her bones?)
I forgot what day of the week it was. (Ok, I've done this, but if you wait around for about five minutes, the fog clears and you realize what day it is.)
Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night. (That would suck.)
A tree fell on my car. (Hmm... now you can't drive that car to work anymore...)
My monkey died. (Two points for originality.)

Wow, what happened to "I just don't feel good."? Oh yeah... you need a doctor's note for that one.

TV Guardian

2005-01-10T09:44:00.000-04:00

Kera and I were in Wal*Mart looking at DVD players and came across something called the TV Guardian. It's a filter for your TV and movie time.

For instance, did you know that there are 83 offensive words in the movie Independence Day? TV Guardian boasts that they are able to block out 81 of them. 66 in the movie Men In Black... only 1 if you use the TV Guardian. It catches all 41 of the swear words in Dr. Doolittle.

Of course that brought up a few questions...

Kera and I looked at each other both thinking... "there are 83 bad words in Independence Day?"

We have grown so accustomed to hearing bad language in everything we watch, and everywhere we go that we just kind of block it out. And for the record... if it catches 66 words in Men In Black... what is the one that gets through?

Things that make you go "hmmm".

All That Jazz

2005-01-08T16:22:00.000-04:00

Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and all that I've missed in between.

I received an interesting site through my email today that I thought I'd share with you. Try the link www.libraryhotel.com It's really cool. (Well maybe the fact that I've worked in libraries my whole life would make me think it's cool.) But in any case, it's the hotel for book worshippers. Located about a block from Grand Central Station in New York, and the cheapest room being $315 a night, (most expensive $800, unless of course you go with a theme deal, in which case the prices go up even higher.) They have four different package deals which include: New York Wine and Dine, Mystery Lovers Package, Broadway Package, and The Erotica Package. (I can just see the more traditional librarians arching their eyebrows and pursing their lips here.) For all you computer geeks out there they have high speed T-1 access lines in every room as well as wireless capabilities in the Reading Room and Business Center. (Can I just say, Awesome!)

Anyway, just a quick blog to let you know I'm still here somewhere. Sorting out the many different pieces of my life, but still here.

2004-12-23T10:52:00.000-04:00

Sad Eyes

Christmas Blues

2004-12-23T07:56:00.000-04:00

I can't seem to shake this 'blah' feeling towards the coming holiday. The hype is crazy, (Jess and I pronounce it crah-zay) and it's really getting to me this year. Not even my favorite Christmas songs are helping. I decorated the week after Halloween; put up the tree, the garland, the mistletoe etc. Maybe I started out too soon, and I'm burnt out already. Who knows?.

I did most of my shopping on ebay this year. Ebay is my new best friend. Some of my friends I bought for read my blog so I can't tell you yet what great deals I got. Let me just assure you they were awesome. ;)

So as the coming holiday approaches, my thoughts stray back to another time and place. A time where laughter echoed down the hall, and anticipation hovered each and every night. My mom made every evening new and exciting. We didn't know whether we would be painting cookies, taking walks to look at the Christmas lights, or playing a game. There is where my memories lie, and that is what I'll be wishing for this Christmas.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

2004-12-21T18:57:00.000-04:00

Baby Think It Over

The Baby Project

2004-12-21T17:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, remember the baby project they had in school? The one where you had to carry around a bag of flour dressed as a baby for a week or so, and treat it as a real child? I think it was to make you realize how much work was involved with having a child. You couldn't let it out of your sight. If you had sports or something to do, you had to hire a sitter, work out a budget, etc.

A girl came through my line at work today with a life sized, computerized baby. Wow. It even wakes her up in the middle of the night crying. The computer program is set to the schedule of a statistically based child with realistic computerized responses, which allows teens to experience some of the demands of infant care. The name of the baby is 'Baby Think It Over'. We've come a long way since flour bags.

"The infant simulator is a lifelike, life-size (20 1/2 inches) vinyl baby weighing 6.5 pounds. It is anatomically correct and available in both sexes and five different ethnicities. An internal computer simulates an infant crying at realistic, random intervals 24 hours a day. Intervals can be adjusted from 15 minutes to 6 hours for a normal, cranky, or particularly easy to care for baby.

The 'parent' is given a non-transferable key attached to a hospital bracelet on his or her wrist that must be inserted in the Baby for a specific length of time to simulate feeding, bathing, diaper-changing and comforting. Care sessions last from 5 to 35 minutes. If the "baby" has been properly cared for, it will coo to signal the end of the session. If it is neglected (allowed to cry for more than one minute) or handled roughly (dropped, thrown or struck), tamper-proof indicators on the computer will alert the instructor." - Horizons Solutions

2004-12-16T14:41:00.000-04:00

Kara and I went Christmas shopping and found the cutest Beagle. I named her Lucy. This isn't her, but they are just as cute. :)

Puppy Dog Eyes

2004-12-16T13:18:00.000-04:00

Ok, so this little boy came in to work today and made my day. He pointed to me while I was helping his mom with some books and said "Mommy, she has eyes like Zark's!" Apparently Zark is the family Beagle. The little guy promised to bring Zark in to meet me one day. Don't ask me why I think it's cool that he thought I had eyes like his dog... but anyway.

Speaking of Beagles...

Ghost Cane?

2004-12-07T14:19:00.000-04:00

Well we all heard about the virgin Mary in the grilled cheese. (Sold for a mere $28,000 on ebay last month.) I was reading the news on MSNBC News and came across this story. Have you heard about the "ghost cane" that sold on ebay for $65,000? Apparently a concerned mother put a metal walking cane up for sale on ebay in hopes of convincing her son that his Grandfather's ghost would leave with it.

The buyer? GoldenPalace.com. Owner of aformentioned grilled cheese sandwich.

Hey, I have an old box of cereal with the toy still inside. Any takers?

Hustle And Bustle

2004-11-30T14:54:00.000-04:00

Well as you can see I haven't blogged for a while. Lack of time combined with writer's block will do it. I'll try to catch you up on the last week without boring you. Let's see... work, church, cleaning, ebay, eating, Thanksgiving, family, and friends. (and a partridge and a pear tree) That about covers it. Oh, and throw in a used car salesman or two.

Most of you know about the truck saga with my brother. He's been out of a vehicle for about six months now. He turned his truck over to a transmission person (I know Phil's going to have a talk with me later about my car terms) and there it sat while he got the money together to get it on the road again. Finally it was paid off and he could get his truck back. He was so excited! Like a little kid at Christmas time, back when you have no worries and all you care about is what's under the tree for you. The very next day... (and I do mean the VERY next day) the transmission goes up. One day of driving, over six months of waiting, and all the gears burn out on the way home. Talk about getting kicked when you're down. I was under the impression that when you're at the bottom the only direction you can go is up... hmm... I was wrong.

So there's where the used car salesman comes in. We went looking for a cheap vehicle for him to use until we can "get ahead." HA! Not a chance. Have I ever mentioned I don't like car salesmen? The one guy decides to tell me his political views... which are... let's just say not mine, and the rest try to push you and prod you into making a hasty decision. Ok, no. I don't make decisions like that on a whim.

Sorry to bored you to tears with my life, but I recieved a complaint from Jess today about her being tired of looking at the face of the virgin Mary in the grilled cheese. So here is the result of that complaint...

Virgin Mary's face in grilled cheese sandwich

2004-11-22T14:40:00.000-04:00

Now up to $15,200.00 on ebay! Bid now to secure your financial stability...

Money Is The Root Of...

2004-11-22T13:22:00.000-04:00

I went to Friday's with some friends this past week, and we were just finishing up our meal when I grabbed the sugar packet for the question on the back. For those of you that don't eat at Friday's (or use the real sugar packets) on the back there are thought provoking questions written on them. Some of them are pretty lame, like "what is your most embarassing moment?" or "if you could have super powers, which one could you not live without?" or "if you were an animal what animal would you be?" So as I'm digging through them looking for one we haven't answered yet, I came across one the read: "What would you not do for $10,000 that you would do for $1,000,000?"

With money being a big issue lately due to trying to find another vehicle for my brother while trying to save for the future that is quickly getting farther and farther away, this question really made me stop and think. What would I do? How far would I go to secure financial stability...

Today's article on MSN wasn't very encouraging. They had three stories of big time lottery winners that are now living in a trailer, or on food stamps and their social security check, or who have declared bankruptcy. They won the "American dream" and lost it too. So, where does that leave us?

There are so many people struggling to just "get by" in this world... not really trying to "make it big" so to speak, but just to be able to pay their bills on time and live comfortably within their means. I think for me; I would be happy with the peace of mind knowing my paycheck would cover my bills more so than having gobs of money thinking it will buy my happiness.

So, what would you not do for $10,000 that you would do for $1,000,000?

2004-11-17T16:38:00.000-04:00

Seven Stranded Castaways

Here On Gilligan's Isle

2004-11-17T15:20:00.000-04:00

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful trip.
That started from this tropic port,
aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailin' man,
the skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day,
for a three hour tour, a three hour tour………
The weather started getting rough,
the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
the Minnow would be lost; the Minnow would be lost.
The ship took ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle,
with Gilligan, the Skipper too,
the Millionaire, and his Wife,
the Movie Star, the Professor and Mary Ann,
here on Gilligan's Isle.

Have you heard about "The Real Gilligan's Island?" It's a new reality show that premieres November 30th with challenges inspired by the plots from the '60s show. They have two separate teams of the seven chosen cast members. The challenges will be Ginger vs. Ginger, Professor vs. Professor and so on until they get down to the final seven. Then the game changes...

Nothing will ever top the original in my book, but I have a feeling I'm going to be addicted to this one... uh oh...

So this is the tale of our castaways,
they're here for a long, long time.
They'll have to make the best of things,
it's an uphill climb.
The first mate and his skipper too,
will do their very best,
to make the others comfortable,
in the tropic island nest.
No phones, no lights, no motor cars,
not a single luxury.
Like Robinson Crusoe,
it's primitive as can be.
So join us here each week my friend,
you're sure to get a smile.
From seven stranded Castaways,
Here on Gilligan's Isle.

2004-11-16T20:00:00.000-04:00

A Penny Saved Is A Penny Earned...

Taking The Blah

2004-11-16T18:53:00.000-04:00

Out Of The Blog

In Cleveland today a man made a $14,000 deposit... Out of pennies he'd been saving up in his basement! How cool is that? He'd been saving for decades apparently, and decided to cash them in before he and his wife could no longer get them out of the basement. Woohoo! I am so saving those pennies now. This guy collected them though. He even had them organized in rolls by year! Ok, so that's taking it a bit far for me, but I'm all for getting the $14,000 deposit! Good for him!

Murders, Birthdays, And Anniversaries

2004-11-15T11:19:00.000-04:00

And so ends another exciting and busy weekend...

I'm beginning to see a pattern in my blogging. Weekends are quickly becoming too busy to post. Oh well, perhaps this means I am getting a life? (Surely not...)

Friday night after work I attended a murder mystery dinner. If you have never had the opportunity to attend a function of this kind I would highly recommend trying it sometime. It boils down to a murder happening after dinner, and everyone at the party is a suspect. Each person is given a character, and for the night you are to play that role. I was Rebecca Ravioli, daughter of "Big Jim" Ravioli, who actually gets knocked off. That's right... my father dies. All because he is trying to make me marry some guy I don't want to. Turned out that I was the murderer... or in this case the murderess? All in all it was a fun evening, we all got to wear costumes, and be someone we weren't. Good times.

Saturday was a very special day. My Grandmother turned 80. We had a surprise party for her at my aunt's house and many family and friends turned up to wish her well. She is doing so well, and I don't know what I would do without her. If I could be half the person she is I would be grateful. I love you Grandmom! :)

Sunday was special as well. My church had it's five year anniversary. We had services at the normal time and lunch afterwards. I had to sing a solo, which would be so much better if I could stop shaking long enough to relax and enjoy it... oh well... all in good time I suppose. Looking back on the pictures and memories it's hard to believe how far we've come. It's exciting to see. Happy Anniversary Great Hope! Here's to many more.

2004-11-10T10:08:00.000-04:00

My fault

Forgiveness

2004-11-10T09:05:00.000-04:00

n 1: compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive
2: the act of excusing a mistake or offense

I've been looking into forgiveness lately, just to try to figure out just what makes it tick. There is so much to be learned from that word. The possibilities are endless. It opens doors, heals wounds, and creates bonds... not to mention it could change the world.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. Evaluate the situation and ask yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy on this?" Forgiveness makes you imagine a better future, one that is based on the awesome possibility that your hurt will not be the final word in the chapter. It provides confidence that you can survive the pain and learn from it. Refusing to forgive is only holding on to the anger and betrayal and ultimately allowing that person to control you.

I watched a movie with my Grandma last week. It was called "A Season For Miracles." Well, I'll admit I just cried my way through it. Not because it was sad, but because of the way love and forgiveness is spread throughout the holidays. There is this one scene in it where this cop (Nathan) goes into a bar for a drink to hide behind his hurt caused by the woman he loves. The bartender, (who is an angel in disguise) tries to help him with his problem.

Angel: "Somethin' on your mind? A woman I bet."
Nathan: "How'd you guess?"
Angel: "It's a bar, the odds are with me."
Nathan: "It's complicated."
Angel: "That drink will only complicate it more."
Nathan: "Ok, you're the expert... what do you think will help?"
Angel: "She made a mistake... I'd say... forgive her."
Nathan: "I wish it were that easy."
Angel: "You've never made a mistake?"
Nathan: "Not like this one."
Angel: "Well, I would hope you would be more original. All of us make our own mistakes in our own ways. But in every case, the solution is the same. 'I forgive you.' There's a lot of power in those words. They can change the world."
Nathan: "I wish that were possible."
Angel: "As a wise man once said; anything is possible."
As the scene pans out, Nathan angrily reaches for his drink and it is magically changed into a cup of coffee.

I think it's interesting that the angel doesn't ask Nathan if the woman in question requested forgiveness. She simply said: "Forgive her." Because in the real world, forgiveness isn't asked of a lot.

Have you ever made a mistake? We all have. So how can you hold onto grudges when you yourself have requested forgiveness at one time or another? It's not fair to request forgiveness and expect it in return when you yourself hesitate to grant it.

"If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. ~ Mother Theresa

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

2004-11-09T09:32:00.000-04:00

Marshmallow Revolt

2004-11-09T09:20:00.000-04:00

While I am doing more research for my next topic to introduce here, I thought I'd share one of Phil's bedtime stories with you. Because of all the advice he has to give me, Phil calls himself my father, and I told him as my father he should tell me a story... Here is one of his many stories.

Ok, well bed time story time.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Jessica. Jess liked marshmallows and she totally ignored the marshmallow plea for freedom. Well one day the marshmallow staged revolt, but Jess put down the uprising, by eating the revolting marshmallow and his family.

Well this angered the marshmallowians. They vowed revenge. One day, she was torturing them over a pit of fire, demanding their undivided loyalty. When suddenly a black Cadillac, driven by statepuff himself, swerved by and hurled a message from the marshmallow Mafia. The message was a bottle of lighter fluid, and it read: "Roast with us. Like us." It landed in her torture pit and erupted. However, the tyrant marshmallow eater Jess escaped virtually unscathed; and now surrounds herself with bodyguards, marshmallows who have crossed to her side. "The Smores team" wearing armor of chocolate and grahamcracker. The End

2004-11-06T14:39:00.000-04:00

We won't even go into "classic" food...

Criteria For A Classic

2004-11-06T11:56:00.000-04:00

classic: A work recognized as definitive in its field.
a. Belonging to the highest rank or class.
b. Serving as the established model or standard.
c. Having lasting significance or worth; enduring.

I have "debates" with my friends over "classic" movies, songs and books, and I was wondering what makes something a classic. What is the criteria that makes something an all-time favorite? Is it completely frivolous to say one great work of art is one notch higher than another one?

It's hard to define since greatness is exceptionally subjective, but the work in question should establish in our minds a piece of time that we can never forget. It should make an impact that refuses to fade from memory even after a long transition of time. It should be talked about decades after it was made, and it should have the power to both entertain and move us emotionally; possibly even change our perception of things.

My Grandmother and I have always loved the Jane Austen books: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, and Emma are our favorites. The movies were good too. The books I would consider classics, but the movies are a different story. They were good, but not on the same level as the books. C.S. Lewis wrote a wonderful series called The Chronicles of Narnia that I love, and there is always JD Salinger's Catcher In The Rye. What I love most about books is that while you're inside of them, anything is possible.

As far as classic movies go, I would have to say that Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers are my favorite dance duos, and I consider their movies classics. I've been informed that Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a classic, as well as Dirty Dancing. There's always Casablanca, Brigadoon, (my Dad's favorite) My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, (and most of Disney's older stuff while we're at it) Meet Me In St. Louis, and West Side Story to name a few.

Music I could go on forever about. I love music. I have a hard time narrowing down classic tunes because I'm a bit careless in my use of the term "classic" in music. Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers, You're So Vain - Carly Simon, We've Only Just Begun - The Carpenters, I Got You Babe - Cher and Sonny, All You Need Is Love - Beatles... the list goes on and on! Classics of the 50's, 60's, 70's, all the way to present time.

What are some of your favorite "classics?"

Memories - Haunting Or Healing

2004-11-04T10:08:00.000-04:00

Ever have one of those days where, for once, your horoscope is all perky... and you aren't?

You know, what they don't tell you about memories, is that they are forever. Sometimes remembering the past is just climbing further and further into the hole. The problem is that sometimes I can't find my way out. "The past should be a springboard, not a hammock," but I like the hammock. I like snuggling up with a good memory and holding on to it... but why does it hurt all the more when you have to let if go... again?

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

"You'll always have the memories." Yeah. To remind you of what you don't have. Then again, they also remind you of what you did, and you can be thankful for that gift.

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Apples And Wine

2004-11-03T16:38:00.000-04:00

The Only Man Brave Enough To Climb The Apple Tree

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

***Thanks to Kara for the email!

Mondays

2004-11-02T10:34:00.000-04:00

Well as if a Monday could get any worse... My brother says I shouldn't say that because that is just tempting "the gods" or "fate" to dump even more on you.

To start off, it's a Monday. And I get to work early, which is good and bad. It means I have to get to work early, but I get to leave early too, so that's a mixed blessing.

Then there's my stomach that is still messed up. I say messed up for lack of a better term. We think it's a pulled muscle, but I have an appointment later to get it checked out. Although the appointment was hard to come by. Everyone that goes to my doctor hates the nurse he has that makes the appointments. She is so rude, and sounds stoned when she answers the phone. Then when she asks for your symptoms she snickers or makes "tsking" sounds after you list them. Can you say: "ARRRRGGG!" If I wanted your opinion I would ask for it!

Then there is the wonderful patrons that think they need to share their every opinion with you. They are all married women with rich husbands that have nothing better than to do than to complain to you about how terribly trying their life is, and how horrible it is that we're making them pay that 50 cent fine as they flash their $20,000 diamond ring and the keys to their Lexus out in the parking lot lay on the counter. I'm like fly paper for annoying people... but I'm the cute little flowery kind that smells pretty.

Just so you know, my life is not as horrible as I make it sound to be. I just have to vent sometimes. There were good things that happened Monday as well. I did check out my site meter to see the recent visitors by referrals, which is actually pretty cool. I got a couple hits from yahoo and google searches. Some include: how to wear a toga, burger king bagglers, shine your light, and my personal favorite... I called you a loser.

Then my Grandmother called to tell me that my aunt is ok, she was in the hospital over the weekend. And I get to go see both of them tomorrow because I took the day off for voting. So Yay for Grandmas!

And Phil made me laugh...which he is always doing, and I am forever thankful he "fell into my world." I got to eat Burger King for lunch, Kara and Phil stopped in to say "hi" and I get to work with Jess who saved me from the evil Mr. Smith, Neo's arch enemy. I was helping a customer at the front desk when a spider leaped out of nowhere and ran across the desk. I managed to cover it with a pencil holder until Jess came back to take care of him for me. :) Yay Jess!

There is so much to be thankful for if we can just see past the bad to look for it.

As Kara would say: ***Jess climbs off her soapbox***

They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love

2004-11-01T08:23:00.000-04:00

We didn't go to church yesterday, but we enjoyed an AWESOME time of praise and worship music upstairs. There is just something about opening your heart and allowing the Lord to place whatever he wants you to contemplate on your mind. We sang a song called "The Power Of Your Love." Here are the lyrics:

Lord, I come to You,
Let my heart be changed, renewed,
Flowing from the grace,
That I found in You
Lord, I've come to know,
The weaknesses I see in me,
Will be stripped away,
By the power of Your love.

Hold me close,
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near,
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait,
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You,
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your Love.

Lord unveil my eyes,
Let me see You face to face
The knowledge of Your love,
As You live in me
Lord renew my mind,
As Your will unfolds in my life
In living every day,
In the power of Your Love.

What a blessing to be able to worship God in as well as out of church!

By the way, did anyone else get to enjoy the gorgeous day yesterday? Warm temperature and beautiful leaves falling all around? Praise God for Fall!

Well It Finally Happened...

2004-10-30T15:41:00.000-04:00

I love the internet. You can find a picture for any occasion... (or any blog for that matter.)

In my case, I was told Hell would freeze over the day I answered my phone everytime it rang. Well, I am proud to say that I reached that goal. Of course my phone was off for most of the day because I was at work, and the time I had to actually answer it was between the hours of 5 and midnight... so in reality it wasn't really that big of a deal. But I tried something new out, and it is possible! So all you people out there that say I never answer my phone... "Booyah!" and Happy Halloween!

Politics Schmolitics

2004-10-29T07:57:00.000-04:00

Well with the presidential election right around the corner I feel like it’s time to use one blog to express my views. I swear this will be the one and only “political edition” you’ll have to hear from me…well… maybe. :)

I’m not all that old, but in my experience this is the first election that I’ve seen so many divided opinions. And slanted media I might add…

I have a soft spot for the military as most of you know by now, so my views are biased where the wonderful men and women that serve our country are concerned. I was reading Wednesday’s Aegis and came across an article entitled: “Families pushing for Bush, Terror touched Harford.” If you get a chance you should read this article. It’s in the Wednesday, October 27th edition. The thing that touched me the most is that even throughout terrible tragedy and ultimate sacrifices, these people pulled together to see through it to the greater good. You don’t have to believe in the war to support the troops.

In a survey conducted last month submitted by email to more than 31,000 subscribers, 4,165 troops responded to show they backed Bush over Kerry 4-1. The survey was conducted September 15th – the 28th by the Army Times Publishing Co., which distributes the weekly newspapers Army Times, Navy Times, Air Force Times and Marine Corps Times. The survey showed that 73% of the military personnel would vote for Bush if the election were held today and 18% for Kerry. You would think that if Bush was such a bad president the people fighting on the ground would be totally opposed to his being elected.

I will say this; I want a president who is going to be strong enough to hunt down terrorists like the ones that took Josh’s life. According to George Williams of Joppatowne who up until recently was a registered Democrat now Republicanized: “the first job of any U.S. president is to protect his people.” George Williams lost his 24-year-old son, then a first lieutenant in the Army aboard the Pan-Am flight 103, December 21st 1988 when a terrorist bomb killed the 259 passengers over Lockerbie, Scotland. “I kept hoping the Democrats would find a man capable of holding the office.”

The Pan-Am flight, The USS Cole, the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon; How many times do they have to strike before we will see them as a problem that needs to be taken care of?

I suppose it comes down to this: Do we want a better economy or a safe country. What price do you put on your children?

Blessings, and may the best man win.

2004-10-29T07:54:00.000-04:00

Take Your Pick...

Campaigning And Voting

2004-10-29T07:04:00.000-04:00

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose were to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.

They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven.

"So, 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.

"The senator reflects for a minute, then the senator answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.

"So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?

"The devil looks at him, smiles and says,"Yesterday we were campaigning ... Today you voted"

2004-10-28T09:21:00.000-04:00

Before

2004-10-28T09:20:00.000-04:00

After